Still Lighting that Unity Candle

" Keepin it goin" was the theme of this years Seminary Marriage Retreat. While it may be too early for Keith and I to warrant a retreat for our marriage, it was worthwhile.

The Seminary booked a bunch of suites at the Embassy Suites up in Lexington for real cheap. They also went in early and decorated the place nicely- sparkling grape juice (since the Sem's ethos statement prohibits alcoholic beverages although they might heading for a change in a bit here), rose petals on the bed, chocolates...They reserved the ballroom for Friday night and a Seminary couple taught basic Swing Dance moves to all who were interested. keith and I were in for learning a few rock steps and simple turns. There was also a live band of about 15 playing, but once there music got going only the experienced swing dancers could keep up. Regardless, Keith and i got to "play" together and when the hall got to loud, we could go out to the lobby and enjoy the water fountains- no not the drinking ones, those are called BUBBLERS!

Then we went back to the room and spent some time browsing through some old cards, emails, notes, and pictures , some from before we had even started dating. I stayed up watching late night Malcolm in the Middle. The other Jagger was snoring away.

In the morning, we were spose to be up for a breakfast buffet...needless to say Eve and Keith slept in and the Eve made the Keith run downstairs last minute to grab us some food. What a wonderful Hubby I've got.

Then the sessions with Marilyn and Steve began. Marilyn is actually in charge of the Spouse Ministry nights i usually go to, she is hilarious, blunt, and an amazing story tell with an awesome Canadian accent that makes me feel at home- its my dream for my Wisconsin accent to grow into one as great at hers...Anyway, they were married in 1978 and are a real, happy couple. They were not afraid to share their weaknesses or to talk about sex, to joke about the mistakes, or to encourage people to make an EFFORT at a long lasting marriage. Their definition of marriage is "Someone covenanting with you to do the work of life with you through self-giving love"- this is obviously a Christian subculture defintion.

The points that hit me most:

- Mutual self disclosure is a KEY bond in marriage (Keith and i felt this needs to be our main focus currently)

- An early marriage must focus on building a "marriage identity" that can withstand the weight of life

-A more seasoned marriage must focus on each person working toward self expressing and differentiating themselves again

-Your marriage should be unique to you as a couple- definately loot and pillage from couples you admire but never try to imitate them

-Each person must take responsibility for their own spiritual life, but you must share how youre growing with the other person...also, it's more important to LIVE devotionally together than to do devotions together

-Submission comes into play regarding each others gifts...if there is a decision that deals with a certain spouses gift or skill more, the other need to submit to following their lead

- All career choices should get filtered through the life plan or vision you have as a couple, not the other way around

-No one lives in their "First Choice World", we all live in a "Second Choice World"...we cant blame our spouses or think theyre responsible for our unhappiness. We just need to get over it, embrace the world we are in, and recognize how much our spouse does for us and means to us

-Dont let other peoples "toxicity" be imported into your marriage

- Watch out or completely exclude sarcasm in the home, especially make sure the truth is never joked about

-Get help early if there is a problem

-Have fun! Play together!

We certainly learned ALOT. The best part was giving communion to each other at the end and reaffirming our vows and our giving of ourselves to the other. So we danced, we discussed, we played, we listened, we prayed, we sang...did i mention we got lost for an hour trying to meet some couples at an applebees before the retreat? Nothing like getting lost to get a couple ready for needing a retreat:)

If youre ever at a marriage retreat remember to stop, take a breath, and look around you. There are so many amazing couples God has brought together or so many shapes, sizes, and personalities. Man and woman in His image- unified to be one creature before Him. I saw it for a moment...the united spirit of each couple serving as a reminder of the sacrficing love Christ has for us. And i get to be a part of it :)